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Tuesday 28 May 2013

Sorry I've been gone

My life over this past year has seen me finish my individual CAT therapy in Jan '12. Take part in 12 weeks of group CBT through the summer. I've had to take myself to A&E 3 times for s/h. My GP referred me back to the EDU (this May) for more therapy, but they've decided not to offer me anymore even though I back to 'anorexia - b/p subtype'. 

So now I am fully alone, trying not to binge or purge, trying to restrict and lose all the weight I want to. I must start listen AND following Ana for she is the only one who can help me 

Saturday 7 April 2012

I am back!

I've been doing so rubbishy lately. Binging almost everyday and not being able to purge cos I've got home and found people to be in 😥. I've been taking my laxatives every other day cos they seem to work better that way and I've started taking OEP and acai berry tablets so I hope they will work.

The gym is going ok. I've been going twice or three times a week but I'm going to up it to 4 to help me shift this weight quicker!!

I'm so beside myself some nights that i wish I wasn't alive and I wish I never started out-patient treatment last may! I've been on a break from it since jan and it starts again in 2 weeks time. She's going to say I'm so fat!!!

Monday 28 November 2011

End of Family Therapy

Oh my goodness, what a session!! I thought the first 3 were bad enough, with me not speaking at any of them and then walking out at the second, but this was just horrrible. My family made me speak first to say how i thought the two weeks had gone and i said they had been the same as always. Which they have been because i gave up trying to speak to them after 3 days because i couldnt be bothered.

Then after that conversation the therapist who leads the session asked my family if they could see why i stop or if something happened blah blah, but my mum came out with a whole load of stuff and said she's had enough of me and i do nothing so how can she ever praise me and she cant take anymore but its not like she can throw me out on the street!! If she wants i'll go and live somewhere else, doesnt bother me in the least.

Mum also said that i never accept hugs from them so the therapist asked why that was and i said i dont deserve them - which i dont! and dad turned round and said "you can always have a hug, you know that" and the therapist had to repeat what i said, because he didnt registar that i said "i dont deserve them!" then after much talking and heated emotions mum was crying and then just walked out and my sister ran after her, i dont my dad to go but he didnt he stayed with me.

The therapist asked if i wanted to continue with the sessions and i said no. Why should we keep going if they arent preapred to listen to what the therapist is suggesting them to do?!

So now, im back to just seeing my therapist (which im ok with) once a week and im being sneaky with her and using her to help me stop bingeing, but with that advice im using it to restrict :)

Stay strong
Love Jojo x x